i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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