if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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