shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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