That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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