Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
