I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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