you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i think my cat just said my name.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
