Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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