Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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