hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
