right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
