Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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