i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
