I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
