don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
