Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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