I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
