she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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