Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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