I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
