The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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