Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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