where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
