tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
