The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
