Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
