So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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