so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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