i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Every concussion has its silver lining
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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