why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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