Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
