Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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