Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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