I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
