god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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