I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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