BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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