I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
