stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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