Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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