New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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