at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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