She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
