so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
