what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
its liver damage thursday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
