Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
