My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
