I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
