Sponge bath it is.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
