I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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