Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
