now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
