im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
