I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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