Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
