there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
