I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
