Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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