Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
