apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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