I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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