I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
