judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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