Please, let me fuck your mom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
