no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
