It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
