and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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