I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
