the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
