Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
